Today as I went to the gym to work at the desk and assist all those venturing into the world of exercising, I had to stop and giggle. Here I was strolling in, all hyped up and ready for a beautiful day with an iced coffee in my hand. I thought, Oh dear, me, the lady who is supposed to be in charge of the gym today, is starting off her day with a well balanced cup of creamy iced coffee! What an example I am leading by! No use for water bottles right?

It was a reminder to me of how often we tell people, and point people in the direction they should go, but never lead by example. Instead we use extravagant words, lofty speech and a pointed finger.

Jesus, Help me lead by example. TO love with your love. TO be selfless, and not afraid to get my hands dirty..not because I have to, nor because I want the approval of others, but because I want to serve you Jesus. To Allow people to see your love through my life. I want to be a sweet offering Jesus.

Today as I was leaving the gym, I came outside and saw Pine Grove's mailman talking to one of the residents at SchoolYard Square. I have known Sam the Mailman since I was a little girl, a man with eyes that danced, a spirit that was bright, and a heart that loved Jesus and people. The man Sam was talking to is not an easy  man to deal with. To many, including me at times, he can become annoying and frustrating in his comments. But here Sam was taking time out of his day just to stand and talk. I was parked a good distance away, hopped into my car and just watched for awhile. In those quiet moments Jesus began to speak to my heart, His voice is the voice I crave to hear daily, and after weeks of spinning around several different questions Jesus was finally ready to give me insight on some of my thoughts. Jesus, whispered to me heart, that just like Sam, that is what Jesus had called me to. To stand and listen to the man who is more complicated then a girl's deliberation over her outfit in the morning, and to love him for who He is today.

I was so busy trying to find the newest adventure, the "bigger" picture, that for awhile I lost sight of God's answers so blatantly written in people around me. I have had dreams since I was a little girl of going to crusades and speaking to thousands. I wanted to speak at conventions and share my testimony. I had dreams to sing, to play the piano, to do Kids programs in Africa, and to be involved in ministries to equip Children, and show them their Great VALUE in the kingdom of God.I realized that I Had to say goodbye to all of those dreams in order for Jesus to work in me. I realized that my dreams from long ago had begun to consume me, while I wasn't even watching. They took my focus off of what God has for me right here, right now. I realized that in letting go of my dreams Jesus has finally said, Thank you Daughter for giving me room again in your heart.  MMM..Even if my dreams were so much about doing things for Jesus...they were in vain...because they were mine...not His. Who knows, maybe someday I will see some of those dreams and the many more I have, come to pass. But, I can't look to tomorrow because I will miss my beautiful today's.

Never let the devil tell you, that doing what Sam the Mailman does is less important than a Chris Tomlin, or Lisa Bevere. Jesus Calls one person to be the hand..another to be the foot, and so forth.

I am content, happy, and excited for the plans God has for me right here..I know that as long as I am in the center of God's will, all of it will fall into place. I Don't feel as if I am working up to something anymore. Like, now is the holding grounds to a "bigger thing" tomorrow. I believe that God wants to do HIS work today, starting with me sitting in the exercise center and just listening to Joe, and if that is what God calls me to do for the rest of my life..

Praise be to God for allowing me to serve Him in Loving this man!

Well here I am, with a heart full of thoughts yet none seem to form words. Life has been, and still is crazy for me. I honestly feel I have reached a new chapter in my life, yet I'm not quite sure what that is exactly. The last few weeks have been hectic, as I continue to get my quota done by the end of April..graduation can't come soon enough...yet...I'm afraid for it all at the same time. I'm scared that I haven't done enough, lived enough, shared enough, throughout my highschool years. For the past few weeks I have felt like a failure in every degree possible, and was ashamed to put on the cap and gown come May. Life isn't how I expected it to be, yet I have begun to expect the unexpected.  It's not that I'm unhappy, it's more of a discontentment. I'm struggling going to work with the baseball field almost right behind me. Everynight when I leave work I hear the bats cracking, and it kills me. Odd, I know, but I miss it so much. I miss softball, I miss pitching until I couldn't breathe anymore, and diving into home while the ball is being thrown at you. Sometimes I want to question. Sometimes I want to yell. I want to know why I am sick. I want to know why I have back pains everyday. I want to know why I can't play the sport I love for one more year. It's hard. Harder than I expected.  I wonder why I couldn't be in school this year, because spiritually I knew it wasn't healthy. I mean I have reasons, but the devil has really been doing a good job at making me feel like I have missed the mark. I miss everything about the experience of my Senior year with my friends from Pine Grove High..yet realize my need for this year. My inadequacy seems to be exposed completely, and that is a challenge. I know I am adequate with God. That My purpose is fulfilled in Him and Him alone, but it is hard when you question your identity.

College seems to be another weight upon me. It is hard for me not to waiver..to stick to this road less traveled, when everyone around me, including spiritual leaders, are telling me otherwise. It causes me to wonder, to question, to think maybe I heard wrong. Maybe I did. I DON'T know what to do, and I hate admiting that. I like plans. I like lists that I can check off the blocks. I like schedule. Throw me into the unknown, I'll survive, I'll go with the flow, but inside myself a stomach ulcer is forming. I honestly want to get away, and am looking into a weekend retreat at the beginning of May..I need it. I need to clear my head away from all the noise and demands of my life.

I also have been doing serious searching time with God. I believe it is SO CRUCIAL to continue to check up with where you are with your relationship with God. I have to ask myself, what sets my relationship with God apart from the Mormons, the Budhists, the Muslims, what does my relationship mean? Why is God real? What has He done for me? How I lived for Him? Sometimes, I can get to the point where my relationship is such religion. Where I speak Jesus loves me. I tell people I Have found THE way, truth and life...yet I need to ask myself...why do I believe what I believe? What sets my faith apart from other religions? Just like in any relationship there needs to be constant communication. I need to make sure I am in constant communication with Jesus. That I am always ready to give an answer for my faith.

My Relationship with God is my basis. My oasis. My calm amongst the storms. When I look at everything around me, I want to be miserable. I want to be angry. I want to run, and not come back to here. But then I remember who I'm living for,and everything is somehow put into perspective. I'm realizing my decisions are going to look nuts to people in the world, and I need to be okay with that. I need to be confident in who I am in God. That is what gets me through. I honestly don't know what tomorrow Holds, but I'm happy with the Todays God gives me. I'm trying to live, Love and Serve as if everyday is my last. I'm trying to dwell in the courts of my Father God all the time and in everyday. I'm learning to work through this present darkness, while not losing my joy. I love to smile...I Love to laugh with People..I love joy...but I have to remind myself to be genuine. I recently had a friend say to me, "Candice, I love to see you smile. I love to see you laugh. Don't smile or laugh because you have to, do it because you want to, because admist the noise, You have given all ears to the voice of truth. Allow Him to capture you, and then when you smile and laugh Jesus will illuminate off of you."

I may not know why things are the way they are in my life. Why God has allowed things, and taken things away, but I know that I have a choice in how I will respond to it all.

Today, all I know how to do is throw my hands in the air in surrender.

I wanted to string on my fake pearls today....

I remember for my 13^th Birthday I was given a real, genuine set of pearls. I remember looking and marveling at each pearls beauty, the pureness that they reflected and their elegance.  I went up to my jewelry box, and went to hang it in its appropriate spot. Hanging near was a fake set of pearls that I had since I was young. It was a necklace I had worn for dress up, and pretend, one that I thought was beautiful when I received it. Now though, it was faded, looking as if I wore it for too much longer it would fall apart.

When I think of that, God gives me such a parallel to my life, and the lives around me. How often do we settle for imitations?  How many times do we put on fake pearls, when the real, genuine, pure, elegant pearls are waiting? We settle for band aids, quick fixes, and self gratification. How my heart breaks… How God’s heart must break, I cannot even imagine.

I’ve been there. I’ve gone to the ball all decked up in the beautiful dress, the hair perfect, the gloves, the music, the beautiful flowers, and the lyrics to my  life seemed to be all they should be that night. Before the carriage arrived I strung on my pearls. I then glided down the steps to my picture perfect night.  I had it all, the fairy Godmother, the palace, the prince. It seemed as if I had my own fairy tale. But as the night wore on, I looked down to my pearls and saw what was once white, to be fading to almost a yellow.  Suddenly, I became unsatisfied with my appearance, and ran out wondering why the pearls I wore didn’t last the ride, the lyrics, and the night.  They were fake.

I took the time to look up the true beauty of genuine pearls, and this is what I found.  Fine pearls are unique, even among other valuable gems. The only gem born inside a living organism, a pearl is truly a matchless gift of nature. A fine pearl is just as God intended it to be, no more, no less. Unlike diamonds and other gemstones that need to be cut in order to show their beauty, a pearl shines for all from the moment the oyster is opened. This exclusiveness is what makes pearls so special. They are the rarest of treasures, unique in every way, one of a kind. Pearls embody those words in every part of their being. Every pearl is a unique creation of its oyster. Each individual oyster determines the lustrousness, smoothness, color, and shape of its pearls. Even a minute change in water temperature or any one of many factors can affect the fragile oyster and the treasure that grows within it. This rarity and unpredictability is part of what draws us to the allure of the pearl and makes it one of the most valuable gems on the planet.

I think that description speaks for itself. The question is, Are you ready to hand in the fake, imitation, for the real pearls?  This is not just about a relationship with a person, but also with our Father God. He DESIRES to give you the real deal. His LOVE is the real deal. And you my dear friend are that pearl inside the oyster.  I also see another parallel. You are God’s masterpiece. You are His pearl. You my sister, brother, are his genuine creation. The rarest of treasures, unique in every way, one of a kind, and you deserve the best. God’s love is free, no conditions, other than to open your heart, and allow Him to capture it. Believe me, you won’t regret it.

                I’ve traded in my fake pearls for the genuine. I traded in the world for my Jesus, and relationship(S) for the man God has for me. I want the real deal. I know you do to. You deserve it, no matter the past. The oyster itself does not look gorgeous…in fact, it looks bumpy, not smooth, and the color..Well, that is not inviting. But when that oyster opens up…Do you not gasp at its beauty!

Sweet lover of my soul. The only thing making me whole. Sweet Comforter. Ease my Mind. Always beside me. You know me, better than I know myself. Your word. Home. Healer of my Heart when it breaks. Forgiveness when I make a mistake. Every breath I breathe. All that I believe. Everything I need.                                

That’s what Jesus is.

God has His arms stressed out, will you give Him your imitations?

I used to ask for a sign to believe in,
But he never gave me a reason to ever doubt him.
Give me one reason to doubt He is Messiah
Give me one reason to doubt He is alive
Give me one reason to doubt I am the apple of His eye

God, I don't need signs... You have never given me a reason to doubt who you are to me. I rest in your presence.

I pray you would make me a woman of integrity. A listener. Encourager. Helper. Servant. One whose actions speak louder then her feeble words. A deliver. A comforter. A leader. A gentle spirit. Someone who knows Gods joy. I want to be close to the heart of God. A woman after God's own heart. Gods friend. His child. His bride.  I want to be a woman who loves...no matter what. To accept people right where they are today, not for who they could be. A prayer warrior..realizing that in praying, I can do so much more, then frail words. Someone who people can come to and feel comfortable, feel themselves, feel as if they don't have to be "someone" around. That by a smile, a laugh, someones day could be brighter.

I AM YOURS.

So I thought I would write about how enjoyable my last 2 days have been!

For those of you who don't know my dad got knee surgery yesterday..( that was not the enjoyable part ) I got off work at 1 and that left me as "mother" until 9:30 last night. I must say, it was quite a blessing. I appreciate my mom..and mothers more now then ever... I've always done my part with the kids..and around the house, and did my fair share of babysitting..but yesterday felt different. I took them where they needed to go..cleaned up after them, cooked for them, played some backyard football, went back to work for the dinner hour...came home, fed the kids..and then took them to church..by the end of the day...I was pooped! I then preceded  to look up to the heavens..and thank God that for the most part, He does not bless you with kids...4 at a time. I like 1 at a time....then working up to however many God blesses me with.  With that ...I thought...oh goodness...The Lord does have humor what if he sent me quads??? Haha...He does say He will not give us more then we can handle..So I trust Him. But anyway... Today my mom took Cameron, carlee and cayleen skiing..and left me home with the injured father..and my 2 year old brother caden...another blessed day...truly! Caden and I took dad to therapy around 9..and on the way home..caden decided that we needed to sing Jesus Loves me...So we belted out that song..and had a wonderful time... Then we had fun playing castle..until dad called for us to come pick him up...I then felt again the appreciation for mothers..and all there chauffeuring...and car pooling!  Caden and I then headed off to "Clog your arteriesville"..aka mcdonalds..for lunch..haha..that was a fun time!! He asked if we could come back later and bring dad...and I told him that it wasn't going to work today..and he said, Oh yah, I forgot dad has a problem! Haha, yes..dad has a problem caden. Then, there was a man getting ketchup ...and he was filling aboud  6 ketchup cups...and I saw earlier..that he had a couple kids with him...but I guess caden had not..and He couldn't believe this man..was going to take all this ketchup..and He wanted everyone in mcdonalds to know it too!! He pointed and in a rather loud voice said... Sissy, what is that man doing with all that ketchup! He isn't going to eat ALL THAT KETCHUP!...sissy, there won't be any left for other people... HE IS TAKING ALL THE KETCHUP! well, when i finally got him to quiet down..I explained to him..that that man had kids just like him with..and they wanted ketchup too. That calmed him down alittle...but he still said...that there wouldn't be any ketchup left for anyone else..and people would be sad.  We then played with his cheap toy that came in his happy meal..and headed home..all the way singing...Caden loves to sing to Jesus, and that brings a smile to my heart..everyday. On the way home..he wanted to sing.. Everything's ok and everything's all right, cause I got Jesus in my life! How that ministered to me! I'd say a great ending to lunch!

in other news..my dad is doing pretty..great..sitting around and being lazy... (just kidding : ) ) I've become his personal slave... But it's all good! Pray He will only be out of work for 2 weeks..instead of 8 ... The house get's alittle crazy after while..with both parents home all day!

Also, keep me in you prayers..I went off my high powered pain meds..on monday after a bad reaction. I took 2 pills at lunch..because i was in alot of pain...and ended up getting a sick stomach..shaking..and my heart began to race...So, I'm now taking advil... and my penicillin to ensure no infections. Today, I drank coffee after not drinking it for over a week..( i couldn't have it with the medication I was on)... haha.. so that's news... But about an hour ago..I starting shaking again..no idea why...maybe the penicillin...has something to do with it? Just know I won't be drinking it anytime soon!                                                                                                                              THanks for all who prayed..the pain is definately better today... And to my astonishment, I looked in the mirror today..and the left side of my face is back to complete normalcy...while my right side..is alittle bigger.. I guess only I can notice..but it still was a bit humorous..seems the right side..is the side giving me trouble all around still... ladyda.

Alright, caden and I are now going to go play His vsmile video game... The only video game system I approve of anymore... Because it teaches him shapes..colors..numbers...math..language..spelling..It's good! BUt only for alittle..can't have him becoming a video game junky...on my watch.

MAY the JOY of the LORD be your strength today!!!!!

candice

This month has been crazy...between family situations, a cruise, and preparing for christmas..I feel like it  has flown by me..and I forgot to breathe!

This month though, has really been a crucial one for me. I hard month, but one I have learned many truths from.   God has really been showing me the brokenness of people, and the depth of the baggage and scars we carry with us through life. Some people have even become oblivious to it, because they have just become accustomed to carrying the hurt and pain. Some of us are so wrapped up in our own selves we regret to see the hurt and brokenness of those closest to us. Not everyone holds up a big sign, and yells "HELP ME!" Some you must search, you must pray for them, intercede on their behalf..get to know them, and what makes them function, Oh yeah, it requires a whole heck of a lot more then LIP SERVICE. Yep, you gotta get your hands "dirty."

Over the past 3 weeks..I have encountered three different situations with people in my life..each of them broken, battered, and feeling helpless. We all can identify if we look.

Our world is full of people searching for truth, affirmation, validity, realness, and something “bigger” then themselves, that can fill their lives. We, as self-acclaimed Christians, are part of the world’s hungriest people. Yet, we sit as if to let the world just pass us by. Why have we settled for complacency? Why do we not take action if we believe in Hell? If we truly believe there is a place, and adults and children, YES CHILDREN, are going to hell, why are we not doing more? We automatically want to blame everything and everyone but ourselves, including our religion. We say, “Well, my religion has failed me. It has turned into a religion people are let down by. It is full of hypocritical people.” Have we missed the truth? Our religion has not let us down. We have not lived reflecting what our religion should be about, a relationship, Jesus.

Right Before we left for the Cruise..a bomb shell fell..someone in my family was contemplating suicide..to the extreme, and hurting themselves. I hated getting on that cruise ship, and leaving them behind..I hated not knowing..not being in  contact…having people just push the whole thing under the rug..to save face. When I came back..They were in a mental hospital..being given high powered meds…It was as if the real person was gone. I felt helpless. As that whole situation  continued to unfold.. I sat down in disbelief. This person seemed to have the perfect life..the last person you would think would want to end  their life…or even want attention.

I wish in my heart..there would have been more time to talk to him and the man and woman near him..But I had peace as I walked away….If for nothing else, I was on that cruise to bless that man’s life. It wasn’t about the food, or me, or my doubts….All he knew is someone took the time out for him..cared about Him…and came looking for him.

How many people are hurting and we don’t even realize it? How many people are dying inside, and we sit in complacency? I’ve had a lot of people express to me that this Christmas “feels” different..That they just can’t believe it is here and gone..IT just wasn’t the same this year..IT seems to slip by more and more every year. I even caught myself thinking..wow, after being gone..and coming home right for Christmas..it just doesn’t “feel” right. God really just began to speak to my heart over the past week. Christmas is not about a feeling…a notion..the lights..or the Christmas Cheer. Christmas begins with..ends with..and is ALL ABOUT Jesus. Perfect Love displayed. Hope brought to the hopeless..The cross making a bridge that gapped the space that we ourselves created between us and God. God really just showed me..that just as we search through the world..for our fill…in Media, books, relationships, people..popularity..standing…that after a while that fill is gone.. it wears away..and we need more. It is the same with how we have made Christmas.. All about Santa..the “Holiday cheer” presents, lights, trees…all that a temporary fill…nothing that is going to last…so year after year..the practice get’s exhausted..until people are running their cheer, and Christmas’ on Empty. No wonder Christmas doesn’t feel the same! If we aren’t focusing on Christ…and the TRUE reason for the season..and PURSUING our relationship with Him..How can there be true fulfillment in a holiday..which is supposed all about HIM?

I will be the first to admit that we have behaved in barbaric, ruthless, merciless, and hateful ways. We have not portrayed a good example of Jesus Christ, who gave His life for everyone, the rich, poor, educated, uneducated, slave, free, healthy, sick, the list goes on.  We have not loved people different from ourselves. We have become callous and indifferent to suffering and injustice. We have treated our family, friends, and neighbors as anything but sons and daughters of The Most High GOD. I am sorry if you have been hurt by a Christian’s lack of love or concern. I know I have been on both ends. Jesus, however, will never leave you, nor forsake you. HE is the driving force behind all that we should be as Christians.

However, out of our shortcomings and failures comes a great hope. This hope causes me to have a true smile and joy, even while looking at the difficulties of this world. The hope we have is that God loves us and we are reconciled to Him. Because of His presence in our lives, it should stir our hearts to bring love and healing to others. It should spur us to feed the hungry, clothe the naked, help our neighbors, stand up for the voiceless, and bring relief and hope to a world in pain. We are blessed by being a blessing to others.

So, before you blame the “barren spiritual desert” of this world on someone else, or something else, ask yourself what are you doing to change that? It starts with one person willing to stand and say, I will show God’s love to the unlovable, and offer forgiveness to those who have done more wrongs to me than rights. It starts with Jesus, ends with Jesus, and is about Jesus. Who is He in your life? How have you lived that people will see him shining through you? If we profess Christianity, Christ should be the driving force in our life. Our actions, thoughts, words, and decisions, should all reflect the Bible, and who Jesus is. If we claim to be Christians, yet live life the same as the world around us, people will not see a light, they will see hypocrites. We choose what representation we want, genuine or fake. How are we reflecting Jesus?

Now is not the time for us to stand still..There are people standing next to you in line at the store, moms, dads, brothers sisters, pastors, teachers ..etc..that are broken inside. The impact one smile could make..one kind gesture… WHAT IF HIS PEOPLE PRAYED?!?!? WHAT is we truly prayed ..for our nation, our leaders, our president…The child in  Africa who’s mother was killed today from AIDS. …

Lord, help me not to become comfortable..”here”